WONDERFUL EIGHT GOLDEN RULES

Here are eight golden rules for instigating change in people without giving them a hard time about it:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation

It is always easier for any one of us to accept criticism after we've received some praise. So if you wish to criticize, do it after you've given the person some honest praise and appreciation. A manager noticed that his secretary was in the habit of not coming to work on time. He had also noticed that she is always very presentable in appearance. So he started, "you always dress very nicely, you do our company's image a lot of good." The secretary blushed and was flattered. He then said, "I would just appreciate it if you were more punctual." And from that day on she was as sharp as a clock.

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly

It is a normal human trait to not take criticism easily, but there is a way by which you can criticize and not be hated for it. That way is to criticize indirectly. A sales manager saw one day that his sales force in the store were chatting among themselves and didn't notice the woman that was waiting to be served. He did not call on them but rather served the lady himself and handed them the purchase to be wrapped. They got the message very clearly and appreciated his manner in dealing with the matter. Another manager wanted to keep three employees from smoking indoors. He bought each one an expensive cigar, and handed the cigars to them while they were smoking. They were very happy with the gift. He then said, "could you just please smoke them outside?" Naturally, they never smoked indoors again.

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing

Another way to help people accept their mistakes and try to change is by humbly admitting that you yourself are not flawless. Before bringing their attention to their fault, mention the similar faults of your own. An engineer's secretary used to often type his letters with spelling mistakes. Until one day when he received a letter that had mistakes, he sat her down and said, "being an engineer, I was never noted for my English skills, but because our letters give an impression about us I had to pay close attention to changing that fact about me. I started carrying around a pocket dictionary." They sat together and fixed all the spelling mistakes in that letter, and ever since she made significantly less spelling mistakes.

4. Ask questions instead of direct orders

People tend to dislike taking orders. A very successful businessman was noted by his workers for never telling someone "do this", or "don't do that." He would always say things like, "you might consider…" or "what do you think about…" or "do you think this would work?" Asking questions like that and not giving orders saves a person's pride and gives them a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.

5. Don't hurt a person's pride

At a business meeting once an employee was to present a report to her boss and co-workers. She had made a mistake in her research and mentioned it and told everyone that the research needed to be redone. Her manager could have scolded her and criticized her mistake and hurt her pride in front of everyone present. Instead, he said, "It is not unusual to make mistakes when working on a new project, I have confidence that the next report will be accurate and reliable, and I know that this mistake was due to lack of experience and not lack of ability." The woman walked out of the meeting determined to never let her boss down again. Even when someone is definitely wrong, you will only destroy their ego by hurting their pride.

6. Praise the slightest improvement and be specific

When an employee has done a good job or improved in any way, take the time to recognize his or her efforts. Be specific, point out what it is exactly that made their work superior. Everybody likes to be praised but when it is specific it comes across as sincere, and not just something another person is saying to make one feel good. Sincere and specific praise can work as an exceptional motivator.

7. Give the person a reputation to live up to

When you have something to ask of someone, start by giving them a reputation to live up to. A sales person had finished an unsuccessful sales call with an existing client about a new product. He was very upset. He went back and said, "Since I left this morning I realized I did not give you the entire picture and I would appreciate some of your time to tell you the points I omitted. I have respected the fact that you are always willing to listen and are big enough to change your mind when the facts warrant a change." Naturally, he was granted another hearing.

8. Make the fault seem easy to correct

If you ever tell an employee that they are doing everything wrong or that they are stupid at doing a certain thing, then you've destroyed every chance that this person tries to improve. However, if you encourage them and tell them that it is easy and that they just need to develop the knack for it and show them you have faith in their ability, then they will try ten times as hard to do it right.

These rules don't guarantee that you will always get people to do the things you want but they sure will increase you chances. Again, and it cannot be stressed enough, all these rules must be applied with sincerity. That is the only way they can be effective.

Getting What You Want

The first step to getting what you want in life is knowing what you want. This may sound obvious, but a surprising number of us are going through life without really coming to terms with the truth of what we want. There are many reasons for this, and they range from parental influences that curb our imaginations to external factors that curb our ability to take action. We may feel that getting too caught up in exploring our deepest desires is wasted energy when it seems we want things beyond our grasp. This is a very practical attitude and has its benefits, but it can be safely balanced with a more imaginative and unlimited approach to the question of what we want.

Perhaps you are 40 years old and find within yourself a desire to be a ballet dancer. You see the impracticality and seeming impossibility of this idea, so you reject it without exploring it. But perhaps you should allow yourself to feel this desire and perhaps even take a dance class. Allowing yourself to participate in ballet in small ways may provide inspiration that leads you in a new direction in life. And time spent doing what you want to do is never wasted because it generates energy that can fuel the rest of your life.

You can begin to uncover and discover what you want by doing a simple, timed writing exercise. Set your timer for 15 minutes and write without stopping, starting every sentence with the words "I want." Writing without stopping for a set period of time enables your inner voice to override your inner censor and helps to unearth buried dreams. It also creates a feeling of relief in the mind, heart, and body. This exercise can also be practiced orally, alone or in the company of a friend. You might try doing this exercise every morning for a week, looking back at the end of the week to see what has come up. Sometimes the simple act of expressing a want actually releases it, while other yearnings retain their energy, asking us to pay attention. When we pay attention to what we want, we are that much closer to getting it.

How to…lead your boss

There was a time when our line managers had done our job, had come through the ranks and therefore knew more than we did. But no longer. In these days of instant communication, globalisation and ever-increasing customer demands, we are all required to be adaptable, responsible, and accountable. Organisations are more complex, careers typically span several organisations, and we are much more able to change our career focus.

Against this background, upward leadership (by which I mean leadership of one's boss, rather than in the traditional sense of leadership of one's team members) assumes much greater significance, yet it is a topic that is rarely discussed and debated. With the demands of the marketplace getting steeper, and the speed of change - technological or otherwise - getting faster, it's not feasible for our line managers to know everything. It is increasingly up to us to lead them. Doing so is not easy, but there are ways to make the task less daunting.

1 UNDERSTAND THE ORGANISATION AND ITS CONSTRAINTS

All organisations have rules and ways of doing business, written and unwritten. Make sure you understand what they are and why they are there. You'll save yourself time and effort as it allows you to concentrate on the areas where you can make a real difference. Understanding the rules of the game will make upward leading much easier. But remember to remain positive and proactive, even if a change you think is desperately needed seems a long time coming.

2 UNDERSTAND YOUR BOSS

Know what makes your boss tick, what matters to them, what keeps them awake at night, what their wider interests are and what pressures they are under. If you merely bang on about your own issues without understanding the wider ramifications to your boss, then you won't get very far. When you understand what motivates your boss, judging how to lead them is much easier.

3 BUILD A REAL RAPPORT

If there's one thing that makes all the other tips hang together, then it's this one. You don't have to like your boss, but (if you know what makes them tick) you can still build a rapport. Earn their trust too, by delivering what is expected of you and by being open and honest. Make sure you are really good at what you do so that your boss respects what you do. Give your thoughts and ideas freely without expecting anything in return - you'll actually get lots back by doing so.

4 LINK YOUR IDEAS TO BUSINESS BENEFITS

Make sure that your proposals have a business spin-off in terms of the bottom line or in the way people work. The extent to which you do this depends on your boss's particular style - how do they like their information? Are they interested in the idea or the outcome, the people or the bottom line? Find out and adapt to their style so that you can influence them in the areas they really care about.

5 DEAL WITH FACTS

Leaders need truth, fact and reality if they are to make sound decisions. Often the truth is hidden from our managers because we are afraid of the impact it may have. What we're actually saying when we do this is "we don't think that you can stand the truth" and in doing so we belittle and demean them. What we need to do is to be straight, and raise concerns in the appropriate way. The alternative (being underhand) will eventually backfire.

6 DELIVER SOLUTIONS, NOT PROBLEMS

You won't earn your boss's respect by bringing them all your problems. While they might like solving a crisis (some really enjoy the challenge), over time they'll come to resent the fact that you're eating into their time and giving them more work. They'll also wonder whether you're really up to the task. So, go to them with solutions and recommendations, backed up by the impact that your recommendations will have on the business.

7 AIM TO WORK AS A PARTNERSHIP

There are things that your boss will do better than you, and others where you're the expert. Work as a partnership by identifying with your boss what you are good at and agreeing the freedom that you have to operate. Become a team and develop an atmosphere that allows for an open and frank exchange of ideas. Once you've identified your boundaries, your own task will be much easier. However, remember to keep your boss informed. Keep them in the dark and there's a much greater chance that they will become concerned and start reeling your freedom back in.

8 LISTEN

It's been said that what every employee needs is a damn good listening to! That includes your boss, so be prepared to spend time to use your questioning skills and really listen to them. What are they going to be judged by? What pressures are they under? How can you help them? How do they like to be kept informed? Are they happy to delegate or do they do it simply because they are expected to? These are all questions to ask which will make leading them much easier.

9 STICK TO YOUR ****

Keep on going with those things that you truly believe in. Stick to your values and your boss will appreciate your input and recognise that you are not merely saying what you think he/she wants you to say. This is the most valuable service you can provide and any boss worth working for will rate this highly. Make sure that your input is for the benefit of all and for the company, and remember that humility is a great asset. Don't be afraid to admit when you've got something wrong. If people know you, they'll realise that your actions were for the right motive and you'll earn their respect if you admit mistakes. Key points • Understand the organisation and its constraints in order to work out how you can make a real difference. • Concentrate on the things that are within your influence. • Understand your boss, their learning style and how they like information passed to them. • Link your contribution to the bottom line. • Build a real rapport with your boss so you can speak openly and honestly with them. • Deliver solutions, not problems.